Nothing new.

That's my answer lately, to a lot of life things.

How do we get that 'new' feeling again? There seems to be a thirst out there for this feeling, feeling new, feeling young, feeling the same thing we felt when things were new. The thoughts that may spring to your mind may be of first loves, faith-altering moments, new babies...that sort of thing. I am not THAT romantic. God's been really good to me that way. I have been dealt an usually uncommon amount of realism and contentment. I have been told, in fact, that I must not have enough estrogen.

I think it is because God has blessed me with a keen sense that when I experience monetary pain I had better learn a lesson from it because I doubt that He would ever put us through that crap without having a greater purpose. I TRUST that and have been well prepared for tougher grief because of it. I hope more than ANYTHING that I'll always see the beauty in the rain.

Here's my monetery examples:

-I just got a new windshield. It wasn't THAT bad, but bad enough that I thought maybe if another rock hit it that the whole thing would land on our laps mid-trip. So we got a new one...and were promptly blessed with two beautifully placed cracks one vertical across the whole and a horizontal one breaking out into a sprint daily.

-I just got a new massage table for the course I have FINALLY decided to take. The cat climbed on it sometime last night (knows better than to try this when we are looking) and scratched the brand new smooth, lovely vinyl on top! ARG!

So, then, I posted my frustration over these issues on facebook.

Minutes later, an old, dear friend came on to let me know how much she misses me and our bible studies with another few old friends.

Lesson learned.

Quit mourning things that you can't take with you. Mourn the real things. The friends you've developed, the ones that inspired you to new facets of your faith. Friends that miss you. Friends that you may never see again.

AND...be satisfied.

We can't always expect new to stay new. Be satisfied with what you have.

This is actually the 'BIGGER' lesson I need to digest. I have not been able to build the same kind of friendships I had in High Level and in Manitoba. I have been longing for NEW ones to replace the ones I've lost.

I don't know how to fully grasp the parallel for this one. Somehow God's been telling I can't have new things right now.

Is that because He wants me to just be content with what I've got right here at home. My husband, my kids? Should I be trying harder to stay in touch with the old friends I've left behind?

My attraction to parallels falls short, all the time. I love to try though. To always seek the mystery of what God is doing in my life. Seek and you shall find He promised.

Always something new.

For Polly, who said I should blog:

It is very hard to be reprimanded and torn down a notch from someone who has no idea what your intentions were in the first place...particularly when you thought that what you were doing was a good thing.

I think I am safe to say that, generally speaking, I and most other people don't wake up in the morning asking themselves who we can hurt today. Yet, even with the best of intentions, sometimes people get hurt. I have had that happen to me. I have done it to others. Recently.

I think beauty can rise from these situations though, as in all bad situations. I think that beauty can come in the reaction to the pain.

We give people too much responsibility. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, on the face of the planet can rise to the expectations others place on them. I don't believe we were ever supposed to place people on a pedestal like that. If you don't place expectations like that on others they won't let you down. Only God deserves that kind of pedestal.

I'd hate for you to think though that I don't have any hope that people will do the right thing though. I do HOPE for that. I hope that for all my relationships...I just don't 'EXPECT' it.

Clarifying this in my life has gifted me with more reactions of gratitude for times when they succeed AND more reactions of grace when they don't because I didn't expect it of them in the first place. I can just hope for better things.

Now, when the tables are turned and I didn't live up to the unstated expectations someone else had placed on me I HOPE that they can take me down from that pedestal and only hope that I don't hurt them again.

In the meantime, I can only hope they will gift me with some grace and understanding. Sadly I don't expect they will. For that, I am sorry.

BUT:

It is not always healthy to change just because you have let someone down. I have done that too often in my life...changed who I was at my core because someone else wasn't happy with something I said or did. I lost track of who I was. I've learned that it's not always beneficial to rise to the expectations others place on you unless, of course you have sinned against them. They might not be able to see what path YOU are on, what purpose God is accomplishing through your life. Their current view of things might only involve themselves.

Live with integrity. Extend grace to ALL.