For Polly, who said I should blog:
It is very hard to be reprimanded and torn down a notch from someone who has no idea what your intentions were in the first place...particularly when you thought that what you were doing was a good thing.
I think I am safe to say that, generally speaking, I and most other people don't wake up in the morning asking themselves who we can hurt today. Yet, even with the best of intentions, sometimes people get hurt. I have had that happen to me. I have done it to others. Recently.
I think beauty can rise from these situations though, as in all bad situations. I think that beauty can come in the reaction to the pain.
We give people too much responsibility. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, on the face of the planet can rise to the expectations others place on them. I don't believe we were ever supposed to place people on a pedestal like that. If you don't place expectations like that on others they won't let you down. Only God deserves that kind of pedestal.
I'd hate for you to think though that I don't have any hope that people will do the right thing though. I do HOPE for that. I hope that for all my relationships...I just don't 'EXPECT' it.
Clarifying this in my life has gifted me with more reactions of gratitude for times when they succeed AND more reactions of grace when they don't because I didn't expect it of them in the first place. I can just hope for better things.
Now, when the tables are turned and I didn't live up to the unstated expectations someone else had placed on me I HOPE that they can take me down from that pedestal and only hope that I don't hurt them again.
In the meantime, I can only hope they will gift me with some grace and understanding. Sadly I don't expect they will. For that, I am sorry.
BUT:
It is not always healthy to change just because you have let someone down. I have done that too often in my life...changed who I was at my core because someone else wasn't happy with something I said or did. I lost track of who I was. I've learned that it's not always beneficial to rise to the expectations others place on you unless, of course you have sinned against them. They might not be able to see what path YOU are on, what purpose God is accomplishing through your life. Their current view of things might only involve themselves.
Live with integrity. Extend grace to ALL.

2 comments:

Karin February 21, 2011 at 4:34 PM  

Such wisdom thoughts here. I really love the sentence "They might not be able to see what path YOU are on, what purpose God is accomplishing through your life." I've seen first hand in my life that God worked in the other person's life and mine at the same time. Extending grace to all is something I still need to keep learning! Hugs!

swilek February 25, 2011 at 5:13 PM  

Thanks for this post! Cool! I'm slowing learning about misplaced expectations! I hoped my friend would do the right thing and she did the same day I wrote this post! (she doesn't read my blog) She sent me a lovely email which confirmed my expectations weren't that misplaced after all! But I am still trying to have the attitude you have adopted to not expect anything! It's definitely a process! Thanks!

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