So my last post was a few months ago. During that time we've been busy with unpacking (that was pretty fast this time, think I'm getting good at it), had a few token coffee's with old friends, gone back to our old church a few times and tried to get on with the rest of life.
I remember this time from the last time we moved 'back ' to a community. The initial 'they're back' novelty has worn off. We have quickly melded back in...practically unnoticed. I can't say I'm surprised, this is how it goes. 10 years is a long time. Very much has happened in the lives of so many people, ours included. They have lived the last 10 without us in them, I can't expect to start anywhere else than at the beginning again. I just don't have any effort left though, not really.
I mourn those 10 years. 10 years where I could have been building some fun times. 10 years where I could have been there for hard times and tough issues. 10 years where they could have seen me raise my kids and I could have seen theirs change too, how did you deal with this issue, here's how I've done it. 10 years of coffee talk and bible studies and care groups to get to the heart of things together.
I haven't had this anywhere. It's a gift I missed out on. Time. Together. Building.
Starting over. That's the path I'm on again. Sitting on a bench at the start of that path, looking through my backpack...deciding if I have what it takes to take the journey again. Feeling like the sun is a little low in the sky to even head down the trail.
Fortunately (and there's ALWAYS a fortunately...that's how it works when you know you're in God's big picture) I have my family, my husband, and he is my best friend. Fortunately I don't base my self worth on how many friends I have. Fortunately, facebook came into the world. Fortunately I am pretty self sufficient. Fortunately I have other things to focus my attention on. Fortunately I don't let these things get me down for long...because I know He holds the future, and life is worth the living!
I just need a moment to indulge in my self-pity. I happened to see a picture today of four friends who have stood the test of time, embracing over a cup of coffee. That set me off. Jealousy.
It won't take long. Just even 'blogging' it out is helping (being fully aware of the fact that my mom is the only one that reads this is actually fine with me!). Having my pity party.
Now, off to go listen to some uplifting music, one that will make me cry and confess my ungratefulness.
10 years
Posted by
Evi
Friday, September 23, 2011
2 comments:
Move over and I'll join your pity party! I'll bring the tissues! I've had enough of those parties over the years as I've watched other parents having their children and grands all close by and so close knit that they have weekly potlucks! I get the same twinge when I meet folks who have been dear friends since kindergarten and here they are in their late years! Would be so fun to have the funds like other friends who socialize, eat out and travel together constantly. But just like you, after I think about it and acknowledge my feelings, I realize how blessed I am with hubby as my best friend and a beautiful family, even if they don't live that close. For those who love the Lord we'll be spending eternity together and I want to be content and grateful. Love to you all and we miss you!
we all have something that causes a twinge of jealousy. and sometimes haveing that pity party helps! after wallowing a bit and mulling over and we realize all that God has given to us, and he helps us out of the pit and back into living!!
Life is so short, and I find myself really soaking in each moment lately. even on a bad day, somehow it is easier, just reminding myself that it will pass, and its all part of the journey.
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