May I please have a moment of your time?

I think I have convinced two of the gentlemen that I work with today that I am trying my best to raise disrespectful, inconsiderate children.
I only had a few short moments to try and explain my aversion to teaching my children to rotely request, apologize or show respect and concern for others by the 'magic' words out there...like 'please'...'sorry' and 'bless you'.
I really do NOT have a problem with those words and I do NOT chide my children if they use them and come to discover for themselves that they CAN hold great power (especially when it comes to manipulating the responses of their more traditional elders...wink,wink).
Words are just words. THIS is what I DO teach my children. The spirit in which the words we say mean SOOO much more. The spirit in which we say nothing at all means very much as well. Sometimes our spirits come through in our body language...or our tone. It may just even come in a lilt.
The general population comes to understand these subtleties fairly easily. When our son was diagnosed with high-functioning autism I realized very quickly that I had to learn how to teach him these...they did not come naturally.
So. If my son comes to me and asked in the politest tone...with the utmost of respect if he may have something. I concede. I KNOW he is being respectful. No magic words needed. Why shame him with not remembering a silly word when it was hard enough for him to even ask in the first place.
AND. When another child says 'SORRY' with that certain 'harrumph' that only a perturbed 'I will not be shaken' teenager can give... I do not accept it. It was clearly NOT given in a tone that is genuine. A genuine sorry can be 'felt'.
When that same son comes back an hour later, after stewing over the issue and asks humbly if he can help with the dishes (without re uttering the word 'sorry')I pull him in and whisper 'I forgive you', because now I 'feel' it.
Even when someone sneezes. I feel 'blessed' when someone hands me the tissue box, with obvious care in their eye. No words needed.
What I DO teach my children is that some people need us to utter magic words because they don't know us. They don't understand possibly what each others genuine spirits feel like. We can't expect that of everyone. I teach them though that we should try our best to 'hear' what others around us are saying even when they are saying nothing at all.